My Toddler Just Gave Me a Bloody Nose

She didn’t mean to, I don’t think. (It’s hard to tell with toddlers) She was just flinging her head around like a woodpecker and my nose just happened to be in the way. Only problem is that the sight of me clinging to my nose and saying “ow” was just too much for my toddler and she started laughing hysterically. The rest of the evening was filled with her trying to headbutt me and slap me, anything to get me to say “ow.” Me being the stupid first-time-toddler-parent that I am thought that I could convey the pain I was feeling through my reactions and that she would take pity on me and stop. HA! Toddlers do not feel pity.

Next I tried a stern voice and a sharp “no” every time she attempted to strike me. Penelope threw back her head and laughed with all the guile of Hades. “No!” she mocked and once again flung her forehead towards my face. I then decided to take a page out of my sisters “Hand in Hand Parenting” book. The next time her head flew towards mine I gently caught her chubby face between my hands and said softly “I can’t let you hurt me. That doesn’t feel good.” I saw a flash of understanding cross her big brown eyes and she said “Oh.”  I sighed in relief and released her head AND BACK IT CAME RIGHT AT MY MOUTH. That is when I learned that toddlers do not always mean or even understand what they say.

Exasperated I stood up and moved to the other side of the room. This would work I thought. Tenacious creature that she is, Penelope just followed me. This quickly turned to a never-ending game of musical chairs that was heavily lacking in music and was overabundant in pain. “Penelope!” I exclaimed. “Mommy doesn’t like hitting, Mommy likes kisses!” Penelope flung her little body towards mine and I threw up my hands over my face preparing for tiny impact.


I heard her lips smack together as I peeked through my hands. “Yes!” I rejoiced, “Yes, Penelope, mommy loves kisses!” and I planted a big fat one on her forehead. She kissed me back with her slobbery little mouth and we soon dissolved into disgustingly sweet game of hugs and kisses.

Then, thankfully it was bedtime and I was able to put the miniature harpy to sleep.

(I really despise disclaimers but I really don’t want to be barraged with parenting advice so please take this story with a grain of salt (it’s supposed to be funny) and know that I figured out everything just fine on my own, thank you. I also do not wish for anyone to think that this is some kind of parenting advice blog, I’m just trying to figure it out like the rest of us. 😉 What’s the worst way your child has injured you?)


2 thoughts on “My Toddler Just Gave Me a Bloody Nose

  1. “Toddlers do not always mean or even understand what they say!”

    Worst I’ve been hurt?! Ryland threw a kleen kanteen at my face, in the car.

    As a toddler he scratched my gum so bad, it cancored of course.

    As an older toddler, ie, a 5 year old that is as impulsive and unpredictable as a toddler, he jumped on my back, everything hurt for days.

    The most hand in hand part was actually the kissing game….just sayin. 🙂 Good job!


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